Times when I feel wrong
1. When I wake up in the middle of the night, I wonder why I can't sleep like others.
2. When I don't know words everyone seems to know, say the woke language. Recently someone asked me in an interview if the internet was a instersectional and I didn't know what to say. When I started my work around dating, sex and sexuality, a person I knew interviewed me for a website. They went to a fancy college in India and then abroad to study gender, I could not answer most of their questions because it was in an inaccessible language. I felt I was stupid. Now I tell people, I can't speak jargon. The people who asked me if the internet was intersectional were told that I didn't want to be part of the podcast.
3. When the person I am dating is busy and says so and I don't miss him, my mind tells me this isn't how relationships should be, I am doing it wrong, I have chosen the wrong person. He is taking advantage of me. I am being too nice to him which all makes me wrong.
4. Like the book I am reading, says, "Loving is not inspecting hams, stamping purple seals on them, scared to death that someone will find out you stamped grade A on a ham that is really grade B. " I am fearful I have chosen wrong person and will be punished for trusting the wrong person.
5. Am I more invested in this person than he is in me?
6. The only person with lipstick on in a room full of people who have just walked in from work.
7. Not having studied abroad. Only gone abroad once. Not being married.
8. Bringing up #100IndianTinderTales again and again.
9. Feeling happy about work and life and then finding out someone did it better.
10. Others doing well and then feeling jealous and fault finding with them and then feeling terrible about what a bad person I am.
11. For not making enough money. For making money.
12. For speaking up. For not speaking up.
13. For wasting time. For working too hard.
14. For not having enough likes.
15. For not being too popular. For being popular.
16. For being vulnerable.
17. For not doing enough.
18. Once for not creating digital art. Now for wanting to make my new project non-digital and thinking I will not be able to do it. Okay, I am doing a new project. It started as a sticker on my Instagram. It started as I am dating someone new and it has been so different and I think a lot has to do with the pandemic and I wanted to ask others if they were something similar, so I put out a sticker. SO MANY FOLKS WROTE IN. SO I thought of doing this.
Also, I have tied up with Aham Bhumika to turn some of my art work into embroidered pieces. The first piece is from the Beauty Needs Story from #100IndianTinderTales. It is a 15x16" hand embroidered piece and Sabiha who worked on it spent 19.5 hrs. It is priced at Rs 2,750. I will give you the break up, Rs 1500 goes to Sabiha, 750 will Aham Bhumika (they source the fabric, get it printed and post it to you when you buy and if you are in India) and Rs 500 comes to you.
If you wish to place orders, do send me an email with the title - Beauty Needs Space. My email is bodyofstories17@gmail.com.
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Indu