That long impeding post on somatic practice
Somatic practice
Dear reader,
Hello! As promised here’s my review of The Workout Witch’s Somatic exercises. I bought Release Stress and Stored Trauma, I got mine on a 15% because of Mother’s day. After I finished my 30 day practice, I saw that one is supposed to do it during a less stressful period but since I had not read that I started mine during a very stressful project. Before I share more, I must say, I am writing about my experience and I have been working on myself for years and have been meditating for months and our experiences may not be the same. If you choose to do it, do your own research.
I had read about somatic exercises and seen the Workout Witch on my Pinterest and then started to see an Instagram ad for somatic healing and finally asked my Instagram about it. I am sharing a few responses:
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On Instagram, someone suggested that I go to a somatic practitioner so they could witness my pain but since I was not comfortable being so vulnerable I decided to buy an online course. I did dig online and there were all kinds of reviews but I bought mine on a whim.
My reason to try somatic practice was to lead a less reactive life, to be less at war with the world and learn to trust, be less watchful, be at ease in my body and sometimes just sometimes be honest about my needs. I also believe that emotional congestion affects our health and I wanted to find another way to regulate my nervous system.
Somatic practice involves slow, intentional, light and deliberate movements that gives you a sense of focus, ease and relaxation. You aren’t supposed to stretch yourself beyond your comfort zone and When I started my somatic practice, I could sleep really well. I was also mediating three times a day then. New projects especially with big universities scare me because I always worry about them finding out that I am not any good. But despite that I could sleep very very well. I slept long hours and had uninterrupted sleep which almost felt new because I haven’t slept so well in a long time. Also, I found Workout Witch’s voice very soothing.
Though the somatic exercise is light and you aren’t supposed to do regular exercise around the time, I would often experience pain after doing the exercise. The Workout Witch says that during somatic practice we move muscle groups that we don’t usually use and which is why the pain.
Here’s what I posted on Instagram, some of this maybe repetitive but please deal with that:
This made me very upset because I could see that the messages I picked up from films, mostly Bollywood films and how it had affected my life, the fear it put in me, how it made me feel like a body that could be violated and how I could never learn to trust men, even men I thought I trusted and how it made me feel like I had such little power and almost no agency.
I was reminded of films I had seen in my neighbours house (Bollywood was considered a bad influence in our home) and the misogyny and sexual violence of the early 90s started to play out in my head. I had no idea I was carrying any of this with me,
I eventually shared this with the person I am jealous of and it didn’t feel as bad because they validated how I must have felt which was like a win.
I also spoke to my aunt (again a person I love), in whose house I acted out. I had acted out mainly because I was sharing the space with the person-I-am-jealous-of and I didn’t know then but I was worried that they would take away my space by merely being there. My aunt told me, we will not ignore someone who is linked to you and sometimes we may pay more attention to them because you are family and you should not question if we love you because we do. This was so comforting, I am realising how much reassurance I want though my go to response is to be angry or run away when I need reassurance from folks I am close to.
One of the other times I cried really threw me off. I had stopped communicating with a person I am dating. Everyday I was telling myself - YAY! Day 3 and you haven’t reached out! While I celebrate not vying for someone’s attention, I am ignoring a part of me that misses this person. It almost feels like war, where I am winning and they are losing. I am happy and then one day as I sit to work, I turn on YT, it plays this song:
१०० दर्द हैं, १०० राहतें
सब मिला, दिलनशीं
एक तू ही नहीं
And I started to weep. The last time I wept because a song understood my pain and I had no other vocab for it was when I was a teen. Soon, I judged myself for weeping to this song. This eventually led to a conversation where I told them that though I am angry with them, I also miss them and that I would like them to reach out sometimes when I am angry, so I that my ego is not hurt about being the only person who wants make amends and I know that they care. Though I think of myself as a person who can be vulnerable, I rarely disclose my needs, so this felt good.
But I considered these small cries and thought the BIG CRY wasn’t going to happen because it didn’t by the end of the course but I wasn’t complaining. Then one day after 2-4 days after the course, I got up and cried like I couldn’t stop. I reached out to the person I am dating and they somehow couldn’t get understand it was an SOS. I reacted like this:
It isn’t like I haven’t acted out after the competition of the course but sometimes I am able to see through the fear and see what I need and step in and do that for myself. It doesn’t happen all the time and I can’t quite say if it is the outcome of this course but that I can step in for myself and take care of my needs without going into - you-don’t-care-about-me and I-am-stupid-to-have-trusted-you mode is a welcome change.
From what I have been reading I must do 10 minutes of somatic practice everyday but I haven’t started that. I am sure after I send out this newsletter there will more things I’d want to add but I am going to hit send and release this newsletter that’s been stuck in my drafts for a while now.
That’s it. Next week, I want to write about conversation in NCR. Till then take care and send me paid work.
Warmly,
Indu