KGAF and the joys of growing old

Dear reader,

Hello! So the Kala Ghoda Arts Festival is 25 years old. I remember going for it as a 19 year old. It was 1999. Gulzar was reading Raavi Paar at The Wayside Inn (now Punjab Grill). I also remember seeing Vidya Balan in the audience. She used to then act in the serial Hum Paanch as Radhika.

Then the festival was mostly around books, poetry, music, dance and a few stalls. It was the literature and the music that lead me to the stalls . When the stalls grew, I stopped looking at the programming because there were far too many stalls and way too many people and I didn’t look at the programming anymore.

Eventually I stopped going or looking forward to it. Then in 2012, I was called to conduct a session on book making for children at the David Sassoon Library. Then I rarely went.

I mention growing old in my title because I saw a major shift in the way I attended the sessions this year, I actually looked up the schedule and marked out things I wanted to do like I would when I was a young person. There’s more but I will get to that but before that I want to talk about something from the Maharashtra Nature Park and growing old.

A week or so ago, I was at the Maharashtra Nature Park with my sister and at some point I went and sat on a concrete wall while she was busy looking at plants at the nursery. While I was sitting there, I saw four young men loitering around and saying - Saanp hai - while looking into a gutter. I asked them about the snake and they walked towards me, stood around me and started talking. I kept sitting there. Two of them were teenagers (one clearly knew that he looked good) and the other two were men in their 20s. They told me how they come to spend time in the park and how it used to cost Rs 5 at one point but now is at Rs 20. We talked about all sorts of things. When my sister came looking for me I could sense that she was startled that so many boys had surrounded me. But she eventually relaxed in the company of these men.

Growing old means fewer men are looking at your body as something they’d want to possess, own or violate and that puts you so much at ease. I am not saying that women in their 40s or older are not violated but I feel more at peace with the world and don’t feel scared of men and how they could possibly violate me which means I often have access to men’s tenderness.

Coming back to KGAF, for a change I looked at the schedule and made a list of things I wanted to do. I had a book deadline, I had to cook but I did all that and showed up for a workshop on how to style sarees in different ways.

See, I wouldn’t generally allow myself to go for a workshop on a Monday. It is a workday after all. I can’t possibly waste time. I would remind myself -

Look you make no money, if you go for these things, people will tell you - you are anyway whiling away your time, why are you surprised that you are poor?

To avoid that I would just sit at home and work or pretend to. I’d remind myself that’s how people take you seriously.

Now if it was a workshop that would help me upskill and eventually make some money then no problem but what learning to drape sarees in different ways - NO WAY!

So to make time for Kala Ghoda arts festival on a Monday afternoon seemed like an out of the ordinary thing for me. I not only showed up but I also volunteered to have Ramya of Kalaneca drape a cowl style saree on me.

As a young person, bringing the attention of many people towards me and my body would scare me. I wouldn’t do it. I am slightly okay now with people hearing me speak because it is part of my work. I have eased into it. But I didn’t think I wouldn’t mind being centre stage. The once wallflower was on stage, being asked to turn around, being watched and photographed while Ramya draped the saree on me. I would have been unusually uncomfortable being this vulnerable but I wasn’t awkward at all. Here’s a picture from the event

After the saree draping event, I had a few hours to kill, I didn’t want to hang out and tire myself, so for the first time I went into a cafe to work. Now from the time it became a thing, I didn’t think any real work could be done in a cafe. But here I was. I was still quite uneasy about using their space and ordered some tea and a little later a chocolate croissant and worked on my book. Now I see why people go to cafes to work. I am going to do more of it.

In the evening , I wanted to hear Jerry Pinto read Narayan Surve, I was there for Narayan Surve but Jerry Pinto was a riot. It was an invigorating session and he was like a mini Wiki on yesteryear Mumbai. But towards the end of the session, when a person from the audience posed a question to him, he got defensive and wasn’t the kindest and his Giant EGO made an ugly entry. In my opinion the question came from a place of curiosity about his process and it in no manner questioned his translation and yet he got defensive. Usually this would have put me off but yeah I was surprised how I could hold space for both. I am filing this under the good things about growing old.

By the end of the day, I would meet someone who lives in Paris and who on their own agreed to help me with housing when I get there. YAY!

Day 2 was the day of Bombay Poetry Crawl.

I showed up early and since I had unintentionally heard a poet I dislike the pervious day, I wrote this:

I’m waiting outside Baghdadi,
For the Bombay Poetry Crawl to start,
Two men next to me are talking.
Qasim bhai says, “Tum akkal ke andhe ho,
Woh Aurat zaat hai,
Woh tumhare peeche thode aayengi
Tumko jaana padenga
Itna nigative sochte ho tum!”
Poetry crawls out everywhere in Bombay, if you notice.

I wouldn’t have gone alone for a session. But I decided to do what I do for others, make time. Move things around. The walk was great and I spoke to several folks. A young person from Jaipur told me about Pappad ki Sabzi , when I told my mum about it, she told me about a Pappadam curry her grandma used to make.

During the walk, I talked about cafes I had been to which no more exists. I also didn’t mind saying - I am an old person. I’d always hide my age. The cafes that Bombay poets visited like Wayside Inn and Samovar cafe. I found out that it was at Table No. 4, Wayside Inn that Babasaheb Ambedkar lay down large tracts of the Indian Constitution. I also could tell folks in which films they could get a glimpse of the Naz cafe. I was not afraid to speak and not worried about taking up space (something I struggle with).

Hiraeth, Old Bombay - Imtiaz Dharker

I would have taken you to the Naz Café
if it had not shut down.
I would have taken you to the Naz Café
for the best view and the worst food in town.

We would have drunk flat beer and cream soda
and sweated on plastic chairs at the Naz Café.
We would have looked down over the dusty trees
at cars creeping along Marine Drive, round the bay
to Eros Cinema and the Talk of the Town.

We would have held hands in the Naz Café
over sticky rings on the table-top,
knee locked on knee at the Naz Café,
while we admired the distant Stock Exchange,
Taj Mahal Hotel, Sassoon Dock, Gateway.

We would have nursed a drink at the Naz Café
and you would have stolen a kiss from me.
We would have lingered in the Naz Cafe
till the day slid off the map into the Arabian sea.

I would have taken you to Bombay
if its name had not slid into the sea.
I would have taken you to the place called Bombay
if it were still there and if you were still here,
I would have taken you to the Naz café.

The walk is fabulous and you must do it if you can and it was so amazing to hear Sharanya voice her vey political opinions. When she read out this poem, I wondered I what’s the place in Mumbai I’d choose. What about you? Also, I would not bemoan the loss of Bombay but will use a Jerry Pinto poem / tweet (I can’t remember) which I am paraphrasing:

In Marathi, it is Mumbai
In Hindi, Bambai
And English, Bombay!

After that I walked to Cooperage to hear the BEST BRASS BAND perform. I met S. It was a lot of fun. Was this any less political?NO! They talked about privatisation and how their futures seemed bleak and asked the audience to stand with them.

We also had some really tasty Sev Puri and walked all the way to CST station.

On the day of the walk, someone I spoke to offered to help me find funding for my projects with their embassy. I usually go to some of these places thinking how I can network and get work but this time I just went for fun and then things happened. I am going to let the Universe do its magic!

Wednesday was when I worked and didn’t go anywhere. Thursday I went with my sis and mum to be part of cooking master class with the women of the Koli community, the original residents of this city. The food was delicious!

There, I realised I am also okay with how South Bombay folks are astonished that I came all the way. I wanted to. I made the effort. Get over it.

Friday evening we went to watch the Shanta Ghokhale written and Parna Pethe directed Something Like Truth. It was afab and was about four women, across different parts of the world exploring the ideas truth, freedom and justice. It had great acting and was so well written and the music was fabulous. It was interesting to see that when they talked about The Dreyfus Affair in France or the killing of Lasantha Wickrematunge in Sri Lanka, the names were not changed, when it came to the Best Bakery case , Zahira’s name was changed to Zameera and the name of the bakery was changed to Famous Bakery and you know why. It was a powerful play and you should watch it when it comes to a place near you.

There again I met someone who follows my work and asked me if I would be interested in an interesting project they are doing. So as an old woman I am realising that I should allow myself more fun and let the world bring its opportunities to me.

I have woken up a bit tired, another thing about old age but please come and watch this on February 2:

Kolatkar's Corner Table (English) 06:00 pm - 07:30 pm YB CHAWAN Rangswar Auditorium

Though Wayside Inn is closed and Arun Kolatkar has passed, his Marathi and English poetry lives on. The medium of Theatre preserves his legacy, weaving his works into performances. As Amit Chaudhuri wrote, “Kolatkar deserves to be as well-known as Salman Rushdie.” (PG-13)

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Indu