Been a while

(long Long newsletter, you are warned)

dear reader,

Hello! it has been so long that I don’t know how to start. Life has been busy but i’ll start with how it started.

A few months ago, I was reading a book on how draining it can be to be an empath and one of the things it recommended I do was to make a list of what I needed on a daily basis. I started to do it and continue to do it.

As a person who has always tweaked myself to fit and be what others want, this feels like giving myself some space. Here’s what I use. In the question, what does my life need right now, I would often write, love, sex and money. That has changed in the last few weeks. Right now all I write about is wanting calm, rest and peace. I have been so busy with work, almost working 10-12 hours a day. Moved from one stressful project to another. But hey, I also wrote that my highest intention was to have paid work and paid work has found me. Yay! And I can’t tell you how safe I feel that there’s money in my bank.

My highest intention used to be - wanting to be in Berlin, to walk the Lakmé Fashion Week, Travel with my performance piece around the world, Take my parents to Samarkand, Have a studio space, etc. These days it is to have better self esteem, it is to remind myself that I don’t want crumbs but the whole damn bakery! This practice has been a great way to connect to myself.

Also, doing that one fun thing that she mentions, it used to be making art which helped me relax and I put some of it here for you’ll try (there’s one at the bottom of this newsletter too) but now I am feeling so many things that I am writing poetry based on my dates / matches. Some of it is too personal, but I am sharing two. Also they don’t move from the drafts stage because there’s so much happening in my head.

———————

Using Bumble in Western India
Taught me that
Maghreb is Arabic
And Maval is Marathi 
For where the sun sets.
____________

Apart from that, just before I started paid work, my friend bought me a Headspace pro account, rather she added me as family member. This came as a blessing because April was so stressful and I really needed this. I feel despite the stress I am able to sleep better and I am getting acquainted with my mind.

I am light sleeper and I tend to wake up in the night and stay awake for sometime. I am also someone who shames myself about not being able to do things. So waking up would also lead to shaming, “You can’t even sleep well”. I actively tried to change this, telling myself if I can’t sleep, I’ll read something and within an hour I would fall asleep. Now that I have been using Headspace, things have changed a bit, here’s my non ad ad for them

Meditation has also made me realise how full of vengeance I am, my goto when there is friction is always, “Fine! I”ll show you who I am!” or “You will have to pay.” Friction could be anything from someone disagreeing with me to someone putting me down. I now see how often I go into this space, I need to prove people wrong and to prove that I am right and this is just so much stress. And I feel I want to let go, not sure how but I am hopeful. I also see when people are genuinely good to me, I fight them.

Anyway Instagram started to show me somatic practice ad, I have finally bought The Workout Witch’s course , I have done three days and I feel I am not grinding my teeth as much (I grind my teeth so much that my mouth feels numb so often), I am writing a day by day report. I may put it in my notes. My hope: I want to trust again and not be at war with the world.

_____________________________________

Self development is done, I want share this from my dating experience:

Also, a bit of news, I speak at a University in the Netherlands about my work, mostly through my performance piece in the end of May. And this is how it happened.

I am going to leave you with some art that you can try. So it was my friend’s 6th death anniversary and I did a small art event in Mumbai in his memory in early May. We made some art using some surrealist tips.

I drew tulips based on a Pinterest pin and drew lines across it — diagonal, horizontal and vertical lines and then coloured it. For our meet, folks traced each other’s hands / feet and did the same. I am posting Ishita Kapil’s work.

The best part of the event was people drawing each other. It was so wholesome to watch. Here’s what it looked it.

Here’s what they made:

I am hoping to do one #ArtWithIndu in the end of May, both online and offline because it is Frida Kahlo’s birthday, shall post details soon. Must get back to work.

Be well.

<3
Indu

P.s.: Thank you so many folks who have paid towards the newsletter. For other’s please pay towards the newsletter, will help me get that studio space.