Hello!
I hope you guys are doing well. I almost finished writing a draft on trust but decided to write this one because I started reading The Art and Practice of Loving mostly because I am in an emotionally intense place. I am usually there when big emotionally draining projects come to an end. Anyway, the book is available free for download here It was one of the books that was part of the reading material for a Coursera course called Love as a force of social justice offered by Stanford
As I started reading the book, I opened my notebook to write down the first exercise - What does loving mean to me? When I opened the notebook, I saw that I had done the exercise several months ago.
I also found notes that I made when I was doing a course on relationships and needs. It was based on the Strategies and Skills Learning and Development System, which is an action-oriented model for enabling clients in social work, health, mental health, and human services settings to address their needs and life goals (I googled that). Anyway, I thought some of the notes were interesting and I am going to share it with you.
In my notes, I have scribbled,
Being able to deal with differences is actually the key to the success of any relationship.
and
Managing diversity is part of human growth.
In one my written exercises which is about - How has waiting for love affected my life?- I have written about how when I feel the first spark, I only show my ultra swell side to the person, a part I am sure they can’t reject. I don’t talk about my needs but because I am showing my ultra swell side, I am expecting them to get my memo and just plug into all my needs. No points for guessing they are usually lapping up everything that is coming their way and aren’t doing much about mine. And that’s when problems begin, when they don’t walk that path that I have charted for them, I resent them and myself for having chosen them. It is too late for me to talk about my needs because if I have thought extra and met theirs, they should have also done the same, no? That would be fair, no? But since they haven’t and I am consumed with rage but hey, I also don’t want to budge. I won’t give you more about how I function but leave you with another exercise.
Love is not a medal that we get when we put out our best behaviour and it is essential for us to stand up for our needs, I think it is fair we know what we need and also make them known. Okay, let’s jump to social scripts.
So the few classes I attended said, learning about what you need can help you engage in relationships that can address your needs more effectively and increase you chances at happiness and well-being and I agree.
So do you think you are okay digging deeper and authoring your own social script? This digging deeper has certainly helped me know myself better and have a vocabulary and slowly it has become okay to communicate what I need without expecting someone to have received my memo. It has made navigating relationships slightly easier.
( What the same exercise looks like now.)
That’s all. Take care of yourself.
Warmly,
Indu
What a lovely post. Trully working on our scripts is so important